Today’s #MomTalkTuesday topic is all about how to connect with your partner in the midst of having children. To be honest, I’ve dreaded writing about this topic because it is something that Adam and I have not been very good at. In full transparency, I’ve felt more distance from my husband since having given birth to my two kids.
The good thing is, it’s something we are aware of, have talked about, and are working on! So, I’m going to share with you some of the things we are doing to better connect, along with some tips I hope to implement in the near future. Here they are- 5 ways to connect with your partner.
5 Ways To Connect With Your Partner
1. Schedule Date Nights
I say schedule because, if you’re like Adam and I, life often gets in the way, and before you know it, months have gone by since you went on your last date. Adam and I try to go on a date at least once a month, but ideally, we’d aim for once a week (although I understand that with kids, that’s not always possible).
Date nights are a great way to schedule quality time with your partner- time in which you’re not taking care of things around the house, wrangling the kiddos, or working. Time that is dedicated solely to spending time with and enjoying your partner.
Adam and I like trying new restaurants – it’s something we both enjoying doing. So, each date night, we’ll both research a couple of restaurants and decide which one to go to.
2. Turn Off Your Phone
Something both Adam and I have been guilty of in the evenings (and even during the day on the weekends) is being glued to our phones. Not only does it take away from quality time with our kids, but our time with each other.
I decided to take a month-long phone break (for anything other than making phone calls and sending occasional text messages) this February, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made all year. I felt more connected with my family (my daughter definitely noticed a difference), and less tethered to my phone. It was really freeing.
But one of the best parts was using the time in the evenings (that I would have otherwise spent on my phone) to enjoy Adam. Heck, we even watched a few tv series, and I wasn’t staring at my phone the whole time.
3. Check-In Throughout The Day
Assuming you and your partner don’t work together, you probably go hours throughout the day without speaking to your spouse. I know for Adam and I, we’re apart from each other for at least 10 hours a day. Rather than letting the hours pass by until you see your partner next, be intentional about connecting with them throughout the day.
Adam and I have found that the best way to do this is through text messaging, since he is not always available to take a phone call during his work hours. We check-in with each morning, then at lunch time with a phone call if we’re able, and then in the late afternoon, before he comes home from work. Even though we don’t see each other until 6pm, checking-in throughout the day allows us to feel connected to one another’s days.
4. Go To Counseling
This is something that I am very passionate about. If you have a hard time connecting with your spouse, and feel that you have distance or even unspoken issues between you, counseling is a great option for most couples.
Going to counseling allows you to talk about and work through issues with a (hopefully) unbiased third party. It gives you the opportunity to set aside time to be intentional about your relationship. Adam and I have been to counseling several times in our marriage, and we’ve been better for it!
5. Don’t Forget To Have Fun
Seems pretty trite, but seriously- in the midst of life, don’t forget to have fun with one another. This doesn’t mean that you have to go to an amusement park or a comedy show. Be intentional about having fun in the everyday things. Joke around with each other, laugh about things instead of stressing about them. Turn everyday tasks into time you can spend doing something side-by-side with your man.